The first night

I had come to the emergency room on May 26, 2017 with my husband, the day before our 4 year old and 1 year old in tow. Our 1 year old Bastian was struggling to move his left leg, right arm and could not close his right eye. 6 years ago I was diagnosed with guillain-barre, so I thought the drooping in his face was bells-palsy, which I had as a result of guillain-barre.

We got to the emergency room at the local children’s hospital (an hour away) after being in and out of urgent care, and my son’s pediatricians office. We had gone 4 times, that week. Everyone told me it was either a sprained back, or growing pains.

We were immediately taken back into a room, they wanted a ct scan. Our son immediately went back for a CT scan, and then we waited. Something lit up on the CT scan. We needed an MRI. We had to wait hours. My son was still breastfeeding so after his CT I let him nurse. They told me to stop nursing and we had to wait 5 hours at least before they could sedate him. That night as we waited for the MRI results we were brought into the ICU. Where I spent the night alone with my 1 year old. My husband had to go home and care for our 4 year old.

That night, my mom who was vacationing in Las vegas and her friend drove, through the night and into the early morning to get to my house.

That morning, as I held my 1 year old close, and as my mom held my hand. A dr told us the results of Bastian’s MRI results. I’m very sorry ma’am but has anyone come to talk to you about the “C” word? The “C” word?? I whispered back… My mom under her breath, said, it’s cancer. They’re saying Bastian has cancer.

My whole world came crashing down in a matter of seconds.

Picture of us, on our first night in the PICU